First and foremost; Wellies and Ponchos. "But you told us you were not gonna list the obvious essentials Alex, why are you telling us this?". I'm telling you this because I really messed up this year in that I decided I was going to chance it without them. Tempt fate with a nice pair of boots. Tempt fate indeed. I was too cocky and I lost a pair of good boots and had to fork out for some new wellies. Nice one. Don't do a me, be prepared for all weather. Because wet, muddy socks are not fun, don't challenge me on that one.
Food glorious food! Yes there will be a feast of food trucks just waiting to serve you up some greasy, salty hangover goodness. Some things like pulled pork in a giant yorkshire will be worth paying £7.50 for, but you will also pay £6 for chicken nugget noodles, because you're drunk and it's a good idea at the time. Spare yourself some over expenny truck food, bring some bits from home;
Take a bag of little apples. Fruit? At a festival? I don't even eat fruit at home, but once that 6th burger hits home, you'll decide a little fresh fruit wouldn't go a miss. It's surprising how much an apple can make you feel fresher.
Also a packet of biscuits or a tube of pringles are a really good investment. They're dry and simple if you've got an icky stomach. They're easy to munch on if you're drunk. You don't have to leave your tent for food when (not if, when) it's raining. Perfecto! 44p Smartprice biscuits, even more perfecto! Easy food planning and packing- tick.
Why have an empty bottle when you can fill it with vodka? Fair enough, even I can't argue with that. Even if you don't pack an empty water bottle, buy a little coke from one of the hundreds of ice cream fans laying around and keep the bottle afterwards. Staying hydrated is super important and key to surviving the whole weekend, so you don't want to be remortgaging to pay £2 a time for the privilege of drinking water. Ya' feel me?
Festivals tend to last from Friday to Monday, some stretch even further. There's a potential of going six days without washing your hair. A headband or scarf just makes sense. It can turn day six hell into festival chic. Just do it. Headscarf + glitter combo gives you full on festival realness.
Every girl has neon paint in little dots around their eyes, but every cool girl has glitter (or boy or non-binary gender! We don't care, glitter is cool full stop). Festivals are the one place in the world where you can put whatever the heck you want on your face and there's going to be someone with something bigger, brighter, odder and weirder than you, so no one cares!! Some people can pull off two day mascara, but everyone can pull off two day glitter. Yaaaaas. Plus having glitter on your face will distract from any blemishes that probably will have emerged from the drinking/eating/partying/dirt that's going on. Take a little lip balm with you to help apply and stick the glitter to your face. Et Voila.
It makes so much sense. Festivals tend to run on a clock that throws out the rules of society. You expect it to quieten down in the early hours but it won't. It's 24 hours of constant noise and drunks. If you're like me and really need a bit o' beauty sleep to not become moaning Myrtle the next day, earplugs and sleeping masks will be your saviour. I've never camped at a festival without them. Infact, if nothing else from this list- I would take these things. For reals.
A roll mat just won't cut it. It could be 4 inches thick and you'll still feel that rock you pitched the tent on. But a lilo, now that's a game changer. Admittedly when my pal whacked out her lilo last year at Reading festival, I had a little laugh. We joked about her being able to float away if it rained, and I mocked her trying to take it down when we left. But after taking one to Glastonbury I am a convert. I picked one up for £3 on ebay, and it was really easy to pack and carry (unlike full on blow up mattresses). Let's face it, you'll need all the help you can to get a good night's sleep, or at least a few hours.
Anti-chaffing Gel. It's not for the faint-hearted. You'll probably get your mum to buy it for you at the chemist because you're embarrassed. (I definitely used to). Let me tell you this, wearing tight jean shorts will look fab, but feel much less fab on your inner thighs, three days into wearing them. It doesn't seem very glam but sores, rashes and general pains are not glam either. It's more common than you think! Be comfortable! And remember that sharing is caring...
That's about it! You're now ready to embark on one of the best weekends of your life, you lucky duck. Take loads of photos, see lots of bands you haven't heard of and dance even when your feet don't want to. Because I said so.
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